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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29037822">i'll be afraid of everything (if you leave me)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/hancyon/pseuds/hancyon'>hancyon</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>carmina ad vitam inspirat [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Feels, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Language, Gen, Good Friend Toby Smith | Tubbo, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Mentioned Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Mentioned Sam | Awesamdude, Protective Wilbur Soot, Sleepy Bois Inc Angst, Sleepy Bois Inc as Family, TommyInnit Needs a Hug (Video Blogging RPF), Wilbur Soot and Technoblade and TommyInnit are Siblings, basically no comfort, but you couldnt tell from this lol, i actually rlly love techno, no beta we die like men, only a brief mention of ranboo and sam, sleepy bois inc - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 05:06:25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,086</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29037822</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/hancyon/pseuds/hancyon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Brilliant,” he muttered, releasing the tension from his shoulders, “Off in an uncharted area with no supplies.” </p><p>Bark scraped his back, and—huh, he had parked himself under a tree. Tommy leaned back, stretching out his long legs. The heels of his palms met his eyes, and, for a moment, there was nothing but static in his eyes. At least the tears had dried.</p><p>A heavy sigh lifted from his chest. Nobody knew where he was, nobody cared.</p><p>Especially not his so-called family.</p><p>Or,</p><p>Tommy witnesses something and makes a terrible assumption. </p><p>He just wants to be loved.</p><p>(inspired by "afraid" by the neighborhood)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>No Romantic Relationship(s), Ranboo &amp; Technoblade &amp; Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Sleepy Bois Inc - Relationship, Technoblade &amp; TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Tommyinnit &amp; Tubbo, Wilbur Soot &amp; Technoblade &amp; TommyInnit &amp; Phil Watson, Wilbur Soot &amp; TommyInnit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>carmina ad vitam inspirat [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2122848</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>649</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i'll be afraid of everything (if you leave me)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>have fun!</p><p>(heavily inspired by "afraid")</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">He didn’t know how he got here.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">The ground was cold beneath him. He could feel it leaching through his pants, crawling as slowly up as his hope was floating down.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">Tommy pulled his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around them and burying his head. He felt like he couldn’t breathe—sorrow lodged in his throat like a pebble. Preventing him from getting the air he needed. A sharp gasp, a few quick, quiet sniffles.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">He wouldn’t cry. He <em>wouldn’t</em>.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">The cold air reached down his windpipe, feeling like sobriety materialized. Still refusing to look, he pondered on where he might have wandered off. Something had happened—had caused his brain to blank and carry him somewhere far, far away.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">It must be a snow biome. The breeze was crisp, and the ground felt frozen, he realized. Tommy braved a glance of the surrounding area, exposing wet eyes to the sky.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">Yeah, a fucking snow biome.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">“Brilliant,” he muttered, releasing the tension from his shoulders, “Off in an uncharted area with no supplies.”</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">Bark scraped his back, and—huh, he had parked himself under a tree. Tommy leaned back, stretching out his long legs. The heels of his palms met his eyes, and, for a moment, there was nothing but static in his eyes. At least the tears had dried.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">A heavy sigh lifted from his chest. Nobody knew where he was, nobody cared.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Especially not his so-called family.</span>
</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1"><em>Fuck,</em> he wouldn’t cry. No, no, no, no, no.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">A whimper escaped, bubbling up and forcing its way out. Tommy squeezed his eyes shut, wrapping his arms tightly around himself—like he was trying to squish the sadness out of him. His stomach ached from the emotions that rolled through him, one after one after one.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1"><em>You’re friends are lying to you, Tommy,</em> a voice that sounded suspiciously familiar whispered, <em>I know what they’re thinking . . . you’re too mean.</em></p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">“I don’t like you,” he responded, “Fuck you, anyway.”</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">
  <em>Don’t you hear the voices screaming? They hate you.</em>
</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">“It hurts,” Tommy whined, hands rising up to tug harshly on his hair, “I won’t fight you!”</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1"><em>You suck, anyway</em>, that damn voiced mocked.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">It felt like a descent into madness.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">“You make me want to die, Dream.”</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">Tommy snapped his eyes open, hands going still, surprised by the words that had been said. He looked around frantically . . . but there was nobody to be seen. He was alone.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">Oh, god. He was all alone.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">
  <em>no no no no no n o no no no no</em>
</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">Memories surged up into his thoughts, and he fought desperately to suppress them. But they rose, and rose, and rose . . .</p><p class="p1"> </p>
<hr/><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">Tommy, sprinting down the prime path, was on a mission. Sam Nook had been making requests of him all afternoon, and, like the saint Tommy was, he planned on fulfilling them. Turning a sharp corner, he rounded on a group of three. Not paying the group any attention, he didn’t pause his journey.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">Not until the sun hit the gold of a crown, and that light reflected right back to his eyes. Squinting furiously, he stopped.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">“Hey, dickhead!” he called, looking to the culprit. His next words died on his tongue.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">Standing there was Technoblade and Philza. And—Ranboo? Why was Ranboo tagging along with his brother and father?</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">“Dad,” Tommy said, letting his brows furrow in confusion. “I haven’t seen you in forever. What’s going on?”</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">The man in question paused, seemingly just now realizing who approached. The other two stopped right behind his father, expressions unreadable. Rather than Techno’s deliberate absence of emotion, Ranboo's seemed rather harmless; though, his tail swishing back and forth revealed some agitation.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">“Tommy,” Phil greeted, a light smile gracing his face. The wings on his back ruffled in the wind, and he shook them gently. “We’re here to recover some of Ranboo’s things. They seemed to have been misplaced.”</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">“Oh. Well, I haven't seen anything. Have you heard about my hotel?” he asked, gesturing toward the large construction sign. Sam Nook could be spotted standing on the site, sword in hand. Tommy still didn’t understand why he was armed while doing construction.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">Phil shook his head, catching Tommy’s attention again.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">The smile seemed strained as he spoke, “Sorry, kiddo, can't look at it today. This is actually a bit important.” Phil brought his hand up, letting it fall onto Tommy’s shoulder. He squeezed gently before removing it.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">Hurt centered in Tommy’s chest like a dull ache. He wasn’t important enough to warrant even a moment of the man’s time? Tommy was his own child, for fuck’s sake. A child that Phil had not seen in weeks—shouldn’t that mean he deserved some kind of attention?</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">Tommy twisted, trying not to let his expression waver, allowing his father to walk past. Ranboo followed silently, sending Tommy a small smile as he moved on. Techno lingered for a moment as Tommy turned back around to face him.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">Looking straight ahead, Techno let his shoulder ram into his brother’s own as he trailed after his companions. Tommy hissed—though it didn’t physically hurt, the message Technoblade was conveying stung in its own right.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">He was unable to stop himself from watching Techno jog to catch up—throwing his arm over Ranboo’s shoulder in an obvious display of friendship. His brother’s hand ruffled the hybrid’s hair, and when he turned to glance at the younger boy, a gentle smile rested on his lips.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">And, damn it, if that didn’t wrench Tommy’s heart in two.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">Techno—the man of little emotion—was <em>smiling.</em> That dull ache had spread, painting the edge’s of Tommy’s vision dark.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">
  <strike><span class="s1">he was being replaced</span> </strike>
</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">He whipped around, feet carrying him somewhere without much thought being put into where he was going. His pace picked up, and then he was running.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">And he ran, and ran, and ran.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">Even as the tears clouded his vision, and his lungs burned from exertion.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">He kept going.</p><p class="p1"> </p>
<hr/><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">
  <em>Tommy.</em>
</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">Everything was foggy.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">
  <em>Tommy.</em>
</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">Something was sounding in his ears, but it seemed like it was being filtered through water. His head swam, feeling dizzy, and a pressure caught his head as it lolled to the side.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">“Tommy!”</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">Blinking wearily, he realized somebody was calling his name. A body was backlit against the setting sun, preventing a detailed picture from surfacing. That person was crouched down in front of him, hand cradling his head.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">Tommy lazily tracked the line of the arm to the shoulder before glancing towards the unknown face. A brown mop of hair, eyes darting around quickly, mouth lined with worry. “Tubbo.”</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">His best friend’s lip quirked, “You gave us quite a scare, big man.”</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">Tubbo patted his shoulder, and Tommy groaned. His body was stiff, and, as he moved to sit upright, joints were cracking like he had aged fifty years. Tubbo rose from his position and outstretched a hand.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">Tommy clasp it with his own, accepting the aid. As he clambered to his feet, he realized that there was more people behind Tubbo. Wilbur, who looked like it was taking an effort to stop himself from hovering over Tubbo’s shoulder, stood off slightly to the side, eyeing him with concern. Technoblade was leaning on a tree, propped up by his shoulder resting on the trunk. His expression was completely blank.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">How comforting.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">Tommy tried for a grin, greeting them with faux pleasantries. With the way Tubbo glanced at him, he knew he was acting strange.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">Wilbur stepped forward first. He reached out, pulling Tommy toward him, wrapping his arms around the younger boy. Tommy melted into the embrace, having been exhausted from his breakdown. Wilbur’s hand rubbing circles on his back was a grounding touch, and he didn’t ever want to step out of the warm circle of protection that Will offered. He knew he had too, though.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">After a minute, Tommy slowly disentangled himself from his older brother. Will didn’t let him go far—holding him out at arms length and running a critical eye over him.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">When he didn’t find any physical injury, he spoke gently, “Are you okay, Toms?”</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">Tommy curled in on himself, making himself seem so small, so tired.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">So tired that he couldn't even muster up the energy to lie.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">“When I wake up, I’m afraid,” he whispered, the admission slipping through his teeth, “I’m afraid that somebody else might take my place—that . . . that they might end up being me.”</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">Wilbur cooed softly, combing a hand through his brother’s hair.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">“And when I saw you, Tech, acting like that with Ranboo—I don’t know,” Tommy continued, “that’s how you used to act with me and Will. It just felt so wrong . . . for you to be his brother when you can’t stand to be mine.”</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">He didn’t have to look at Techno to feel the his eyes roll, scoff echoing through the clearing. “Don’t be ridiculous, Tommy.”</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">He wouldn’t let Techno dismiss his feelings. There had been too much of that already, and it was getting old. “That’s what Dream did.”</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">The shock that rolled through the trees could have been felt back at L’Manberg—Tubbo and Wilbur’s was sorrowful, Techno’s was indignant.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">Tommy’s thoughts were already rolling at too quick of a speed to stop.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">“He did that—that fucking dismissal of whatever I was feeling. Maybe you didn’t realize what you were doing, but it still <em>hurt</em>, Technoblade! I can remember the old days when it was just you and me and Will! But you stopped acting like that around me a long, long time ago. So forgive me if it stung a bit to see you acting so <em>brotherly!</em>” Tommy spat out the last word like it disgusted him. During his little speech, he had stormed closer to his brother, throwing his arms around wildly in emphasis.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">Techno and Tommy weren’t related by blood, but they were ridiculously similar to each other. It wasn’t a surprise when Techno raised his voice, not letting Tommy get away with yelling at him.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">“<em>You threw it away!</em>” That emotionless voice was gone as Technoblade shouted at his younger brother, “We were brothers, Tommy. But then you went and betrayed me.”</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">Tommy chuckled darkly, about to respond—</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">But Techno wasn’t done.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">“I would’ve fought the whole server for you! But you chose the person who exiled you!”</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">“<em>And you chose the person who made me want to die, Technoblade!</em>”</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">Techno paused. Both brothers were panting, clearly worked up into a mind-numbing anger.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">“You chose the person that manipulated, and starved, and abused me,” Tommy breathed, taking a step away from his older brother. He dragged a hand over his face, trying to calm down. “Shit, I know. I know what I did wasn’t right. But, Tech, I was just trying to save my best friend . . . and the country that I built—that I loved because it was the one thing tying me to Wilbur.”</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">“I wasn’t trying to hurt you,” he added. His voice was quiet, defeated, “I didn’t wanna lose you.”</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">“Tommy—” Techno started, but the youngest brother just held up a hand.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">Head bowed, his eyes stared unseeing at the ground beneath him. Tommy knew what he needed to do. But the necessity of the action didn’t cause any of the pain to subside. He inhaled sharply through his nose, mentally preparing for the consequence of his decision.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">Quick, cold, clean.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">“I think we should stay away from each other.”</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">Techno’s breath caught in his throat. “What?”</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">“I think we need time . . . to sort through our own trauma.” Tommy’s face was solemn, displaying a level of maturity not usually associated with the young boy. “And I think it would be best if we did that without the other one within a reachable distance.”</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">“No, Tommy, that’s not what I want."</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">“But it’s what I need.”</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">His older brother went quiet, hand clenching and unclenching at his side. Tommy stepped toward him, placing a hand on his upper arm, and let his lip twitch up in a small, sad smile.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">“I’ll see you later, brother.”</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">Tommy stepped back, and Wilbur took his place. Will leaned in close, whispering something to their oldest brother. Techno grimaced, but held his hand out to Wilbur.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">They clasp hands. Will gently tugged on the end of that pink braid before murmuring, barely loud enough for Tommy to hear, “I’ll take care of him now, Technoblade.”</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">And as he walked away, he realized that this didn’t feel like a ‘to be continued’.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">It felt like the end.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hello loves!</p><p>poor tommy. D:</p><p>i have realized that techno has been a source of angst in both this and the previous fic i posted . . . look, guys, it's just convenient, okay? i love techno (&amp; might even be a techno apologist, but you didn't just read that)! my fingers hit the keyboard and that's just what happened. i promise i'll try to do a goodbrother!technoblade fic soon bc he deserves love too :)</p><p>(i have hyperfixated on this freaking trope and i can't stop. somebody pls help me lmao)</p><p>bye for now,<br/>guys, gals, &amp; nonbinary pals!</p><p>p.s. i’m working on a multi-chapter dsmp fic based on plato’s story of the men in the cave, with deity! dream &amp; techno... i’m super excited to share :P<br/>update!! the first chapter has been posted!!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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